Revising Draft

Strengths
1. I thought that the journey had physical and mental issues which I thought was good because it showed to differing journeys.
2. I thought I made it readable for people who are not familiar with soccer in the US, making changes to words and paragraphs so its easier to read.

Weaknesses
1. I thought I could improve the detail in the important sections of the journey, so the reader could get more of a feel for the environment and my feelings. I will do this by unpacking my thoughts more.
2. I need to improve the development of my journey during the "recovery" stage, so the reader can understand the journey, i will do this by being more descriptive sections.